Thursday, April 2, 2015

Wisconsin Resident Lifts Indiana Boycott After Winning Tickets to Final Four

MADISON - One week after software developer Greg Murray posted a 1,500 word tirade announcing his boycott of all things Indiana, Murray announced that he won a 3-night/4-day trip to attend the Final Four in Indianapolis.

“This weekend is going to be epic!” exclaimed Murrary, a heterosexual man who will not have to worry about being denied service at private establishments on the basis of his sexual orientation. “My girlfriend and I are going to have the time of our lives!”

Murray’s enthusiasm marks a sudden change from his feelings a week ago, when he described Indiana as a “puritan hellhole stuck in the middle ages that will never get another cent from [him] so long as [he’s] alive.”

When asked to comment on his apparent reversal, Murray said he still hates Indiana but couldn’t pass up the opportunity to see his beloved Wisconsin Badgers take on the undefeated Kentucky Wildcats.

“The anti-gay bill really sucks,” said Murray, “but this game is history in the making! Besides, Wisconsin is where Jenny and I met, so this game will be extra special for us.”

When asked whether he would join demonstrations against the bill, Murray was non-committal.

“I’d really love to, but there’s so much going on this weekend. Weezer and Imagine Dragons are playing. We have VIP access to the locker-room, a meet-and-greet with Shaq. I don’t think we’ll have time!”

While Murray has not ruled out renewing his boycott, he declined to comment about the time he lifted his boycott of Arizona to attend the 2011 MLB All-Star Game.