Monday, May 17, 2010

Cavaliers Jinxed By 12-Year-Old Boy













Many fans have been wondering what happened to the top seeded Cleveland Cavaliers, after being eliminated by the Boston Celtics in second round of the 2010 NBA Playoffs. That uncertainty may have come to a rest however now that sources have confirmed Canton resident Wesley Gordon jinxed the Cavs.

"We watched game three together at my mom's house," said Doug Walker, Gordon's best friend. "They won the game and afterwords Wes said, "This series is over". You know what happened? The Cavs lost the next three games and now we're out of the playoffs."

No one was more upset by the news than Lithuanian Center Žydrūnas Ilgauskas, who is very superstitious.

"In my country, we have a saying," Ilgauskas remarked. "Nothing is over until the fat lady is singing. After game three I knew something was wrong. No one could conenctrate. We did not know why. Now it is clear. This Wesley Gordon made the basketball Gods very very angry; and that makes Žydrūnas is very very angry. If I ever see him I will circumsize him with my teeth."

Canton officials have increased security around Gordon's home, who has not been seen publically since the incident.

The most dire consequence to the city of Cleveland might be the reaction by NBA MVP LeBron James, who was midway through signing a contract to keep him in a Cavs uniform through 2019. However, as he was signing, word spread of Gordon's actions, causing James to drop the pen and leave the arena.

"He had signed Lebron Ja when he dropped the pen," said Cavaliers General Manager Danny Ferry. "Well, we checked the phonebook to see if there were any Lebron Ja's in the United States. Apparently there's one. He owns a boat dealership in Lake Tahoe. It appears as if we need to start paying him thirty million dollars anually."

Even though the police consider this to be a closed cased, Canton mayor William Healy is sure of Gordon's innocence, an has instead blamed his wife Brunhilde for the loss.

"We watched the first three games together while I was wearing my lucky Jersey," Healy said. "However, Brunhilde donated the jersey to Goodwill afterwards, saying it looked rediculous on me. If I had that jersey we'd be in the playoffs today."

Once Healy stopped ranting, he's tone became one of sorrow, as he felt great sympathy for the boy who went into the witness protection program yesterday.

"He's gonna go down as the most hated Ohio resident since Don King."

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