Thursday, November 15, 2012

13-Year-Old Male Reasserts Masculinity By Claiming He Hates One Direction


While English-Irish boy band One Direction has achieved critical and commercial success since releasing their hit single "What Makes You Beautiful" in 2011, the group has been unable to gain the approval of 13-year-old Ben Grossman.

"Every time that song comes on the radio Ben screams to anyone who will listen how much he hates One Direction," said Melanie Grossman, Ben's older sister. "While he's always hated boy bands, pop music, and pretty much anything else the girls in his grade like, he especially hates One Direction."

A fellow classmate who denied to be identified says Grossman is especially tough on anything he finds to be remotely "gay".

"His style is very mainstream male," said Grossman's teacher Elena Thompson. "He usually wears a Bud Light t-shirt or a football jersey to class."

Grossman's mother Sheryl feels One Direction's widespread popularity has had an adverse effect on her son, but questions how much Ben actually dislikes the band.

"He normally asks me to put on a rap or rock station when I drive him to hockey practice.  But ever since "What Makes You Beautiful" hit the charts he's always lets Melanie pick the station."

Grossman declined to be interviewed for the story, but issued a statement that his next door neighbor Becky's claims that he once rocked out to One Direction in his room before quickly closing the blinds and switching to the Wu-Tang Clan are "completely untrue."

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